Monday, March 14, 2011

Lady Jersey Shore

"She possesses all the beauty of all the Jerseys..."

With Miss Snooki gracing the cover of Rolling Stone this week, there's no denying the impact of MTV's Jersey Shore.  People can't get enough of drunken outings, bed-hopping, and drama drama drama.  But before there was a select few enraging the rest of New Jersey with stereotyping the state, there was Lady Jersey, who could Jersey them all out of Seaside.  Let's examine why.

Jersey is All Shore
Many of us know Jersey is a part of England but it is actually closer to France (which is closer to Italy, right?) than to England.  Jersey is a small island off the coast of Normandy.  So Lady Jersey is the countess of a landmass that is all shore.

Lord Jersey was twice his wife's age and too weak-minded to keep track of her.  Boy, did she take advantage!  The Earl of Carlisle, Viscount of Harcourt, Duke of Devonshire, and Prince of Wales are all on her list on conquests.  The press followed Frances every time she hopped into a new bed, keeping the public updated about the seductress' latest hookups.  Was Lady J just sowing her wild oats? Heck no; by the time she was hooking up with the much-younger Prince, she was past her prime.  Talk about cougars!

Lady Jersey didn't have friends, she had frenemies.  It seemed as though the woman couldn't enjoy female companionship unless she was making those friends miserable. If you were at a ball and you caught her looking at your man, you had every right to suddenly become all clingy. Lady Jersey was know to specifically go after her friend's husbands when looking for bedfellows.

We Have a Situation Here
One of Lady Jersey's victims was her close friend Georgiana.  While Georgiana was occupying herself with the war effort Lady Jersey decided to swoop in and steal her man.  Guess who told the Duchess about the betrayal? Lady Jersey! The skank went right up to Georgie and told her in a snide joke-like manner that since Georgiana couldn't provide her with a bed at Coxheath (where they were currently staying) she would just take the one in her bedroom.  Sadly a fight did not break out involving slaps and wig-snatching as would have happened had it been me in that situation.

The Jersey Island Dump
"Lady J. is in everything, and by everybody most thoroughly disapproved." scoffed Lady Spencer in 1795.  At age 43 Lady Jersey still hadn't grown up and was up to her old tricks.  Her latest victim was Caroline of Brunswick, the wife of her long-time squeeze, the Prince of Wales.  Lady Jersey did everything in her power to make the princess' life miserable, but her reign of terror had expired a year after Lady Spencer's comment.  Sick of her immaturity, Lady Jersey was shunned when she attended balls and her home was stoned by the lower classes.  Don't mess with Caroline of Brunswick.

Given the size of ladies in the 18th century Lady Jersey could very well have been the same height as super-shorty Snooki.  One thing is for sure though, she was definitely sporting the "pouf" 250 years earlier!

Teen Mom: Bess
Bad Girls Club --18th Century Edition


  1. I don't think we can hope for the same when it comes to the modern-day Jerseys.

  2. ...If I lived back then and she were stealing my man, i'd give her a pretty black eye.

    great post :)

  3. @Janice, Yessss! I knew at least one person out there would appreciate it!

    @Anon, If only Caroline of Brunswick were here

    @Rebecca, LOL! I think she'd look good in that.

  4. this is a hilarious and evtertaining post, I love it! I'm not a fan of "Jersey Shore," but this is just too funny!

  5. I think this post has got to be one of the funniest that I have read in a long time. Kudos Heather!

  6. Hilarious...thanks for that!!

  7. Just like the Famous-for-being-famous crowd, Lady J is not from Jersey (her modern counterparts are from Long Island, something my Jersey shore native self takes affront to). However, she seems as if she was just as immature and brazen as that bunch. It's a shame that there wasn't an eye-scratching, wig pulling fight when she bragged to Georgiana, but our G was ever a lady!

  8. Right you are...Lady Jersey was from the Green Isle. Darn, should have put that comparison in too!

    Georgie was ever the lady (sigh)...but can you imagine if Lady J ever crossed some of our tartish actresses (or even someone like Lady Lade)? Oh my goodness...the ratings would go through the roof with that brawl!